Too Soon – Dreaming of a Place to Call Home

Many of you know that I’ve been doing extreme mold avoidance for a long time (around 15 months now). The process of doing this has given me back my life, but also turned our lives upside down: we’ve had to leave our home, our community, our belongings, our friends. Has it been worth it? Yes. But it’s turned our lives upside down.

Healing has involved a lot of moving around, seeking out “pristine” locations where the body can heal (read more about this in my upcoming book, Lyme Disease Supercharge). Mold avoiders often talk about a “good enough” location. That is, a location that may not be perfect (no location is) but is “good enough” to allow the body to detox and heal. Though not always easy, thankfully I’ve found a lot of these locations.

If I were doing this alone, I could easily just camp out in one of these good enough locations for a long time. Maybe a year, or longer. But I have a wife and kids. So there’s been this give and take of finding a location that is good enough for ME, but also good enough for THEM (in terms of allowing my wife and kids to have friends, be social, do school, etc).

So, I’ve felt kind of rushed. Like I really want for us to be able to settle down sooner than later, in a place that is good enough for me but good enough for them too.

But what I’m realizing is that it is still just too soon. My body is still healing and changing too dramatically. It is still too early for me to know exactly where we should settle, and which toxins are going to be an issue for me long term.

All my life I’ve been a type-A person who pushes to make things happen. 15 years ago when I started my publishing company, there was another dying publishing company I was trying to buy. All my friends and business colleagues said it couldn’t be done, that it would eat me alive and wouldn’t be worth it. It was a foreign company and there were laws involved and other issues.

So what did I do? I went out and bought it anyway. When I was growing up, my family nicknamed me the “Shark” because I kept going after things until I got them, like a shark.

Owning that dying publishing company has been a big success, and I’m glad I bought it. I’ve approached many things in my life this way. Just do it, get it done, plow through it. Most of the time, it has worked.

But in this case, I feel like it is just too soon to force us to settle somewhere. There are some big things at stake. If we pick the wrong area, we may have to move again which is traumatizing to the kids (this already happened to us once). So it may be better for the kids to get used to being a little bit transient, rather than have a false sense of security in a location which may not be realistic.

Doing mold avoidance as a family is tough. It kind of reminds me of being president of the USA – your whole job is basically compromises. Too many people and different needs to make everyone happy, all the time. Doing mold avoidance as a family is all about compromise.

One thing I have decided we are NOT willing to compromise on, is living separately. We tried that for 6 months, and it was a lot harder on our family than I could have ever imagined. It reminds me of a boat that is slightly off course; over time, the course deviance grows larger. Same thing with family relationships. Also, financially, it is just unsustainable for me, as the sole earner, to sustain two separate lifestyles long term. That apartment I rented for my family (while I lived elsewhere) started off affordable, but it got expensive. Furniture, utility bills, security deposits, move out costs, etc. Not to mention the separate costs of my own living expenses. I just don’t see us going down that road again.

So, right now, 15 months being out of mold, it is just too soon to force a “settling down” decision. I think there’s more to lose than to gain in trying to settle down right now. And, if we are able to accept this fact, I think it will bring more joy to the moment. As we are able to be content with where we are, what we are doing, how life is, and look for the joys and blessings of the present moment, rather than always being dissatisfied and wanting something we don’t have.

This doesn’t mean it is easy. I still really want for us to be able to settle soon. But I think accepting the reality of the situation may be better than living a fiction. So, we’ll try to enjoy the present moment and recognize the blessings that we do have, and wait for God to show us when the right time and place to settle is.