Brain healing and mold avoidance

The breadth and depth of brain injury (and subsequent healing) from mold is astounding. I am finding that little behaviors and habits that date all the way back to my childhood, were actually caused by mold. Especially the willingness to subject myself to untoward emotional abuse.
I’m not saying this is a “brain retraining” thing at all; it is definitely direct physical damage / interference caused by mold.
And I’m also not saying I’ve had a very hard life at all, most things, including relationships, have gone pretty well for me.
Nevertheless, I think it is quite apparent that there are a few predictable behavioral impacts that mold causes on the brain, and which might be relatively consistent from person to person. Maybe some difference between men and women, perhaps.
For me, it it almost manifested as a sense of shame and responsibility for the bad things that happen to the people and world around me. “Guilt,” if you will.
Of course, that feeling would be natural too because of how much persecution the world throws at those with unexplained chronic illnesss…. “doctors blaming the patient, etc.”
But I really think it’s a lot deeper than that. Even without that dynmaic, I think it is some physical interference in the brain.
I also have a family member who I think is very affected by mold but he isn’t super physically ill, so he’s never done anything about it. But I would say one HUGE defining characteristic about him is that he is extremely guilt-driven, always feeling the need to take care of everyone around him, even to a very bizarre and irrational extent.
Of course, this manifests itself in his life as great altruism, so it isn’t all bad. I appreciate this quality very much. But he takes it to such an extent that his guilt and responsibility for others almost eats him alive, with very little energy left over for himself.
I am quite certain that a similar physical manifestation has occurred in me. Again I never was abused and life has been pretty good, so I’m not saying I am spiraling into some kind of “poor me, I need therapy” situation. It is merely an objective and interesting observation here, in an effort to contribute to the collective knowledge base.
I find myself increasingly aware of past relationships and even current relational dynamics where I am the first to throw myself under the bus due to an irrational “guilt” that everything around me must be my fault.
And as brain healing continues (it’s astounding that even after 4.5 years of mold avoidance the brain healing has only just begun) I find myself less and less tolerant of allowing myself to be put in those kinds of situations.
What is quite fascinating is that as I have these instances of saying to myself, “Bryan you actually are a valid human and deserve to be treated well on planet earth,” I realize that I have NEVER had these thoughts before. It was like the mold impact was so total and complete that it entirely wiped out my personal right to dignity and respect. And that this is the first time in my whole life that it actually occurred to me that I might be allowed to exist, eat, breath, sleep on planet earth without always feeling guilty.
Like a whole new emotion, like a baby discovering laughter for the first time or something. It’s really weird.
While I have never personally been abused to the level some here have described, I guess I can see how this brain damage might cause some people, especially women, to find themselves in abusive relationships. It gives me a whole new window of compassion for mold patients, to realize that mold itself may make us more susceptible to feeling guilty for other peoples problems. I could see how especially as a woman with an abusive man, this could get super ugly.
For me, as a man myself, it has played out as a deep insecurity and drive to be hyper-successful, both financially and in other ways. It always struck me as bizarre that I was so hyper-motivated and insecure when in mold, because deep down I knew that wasn’t who I really was. It was almost like watching as a 3rd-person perspective, looking inside myself and saying “how did that get there.”
But now it is easy to see- if I was always feeling guilty and like I wasn’t doing a good enough job for everyone, of course the natural outcome of that would be to ravenously desire financial independence, so I never have to rely on anyone ever again – never have to let them down, dissapoint them, or constantly feel guilty about not offering them enough. And in fact that’s exactly what I’ve done, built a silly-massive financial moat around myself so that no one can ever touch me or say that I am not doing enough for them. I wonder how the female version of this plays out.
It is just overall an interesting observation because the longer I do avoidance the more I realize that the physical healing is just one layer of this and that mycotoxin-induced brain changes are actually a whole lot more profound than we realize. I mean, the brain itself is a physical organ so it isn’t totally surprising that behavior, emotions, etc., can be impacted by toxins.